The second Guideline for “How We Think” is Patience.
The 16 Guidelines Book cites the Dalai Lama as a person who embodies this quality. He was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize thirty years after he became exiled from Tibet. Through all these years, despite takeover of his country by the Chinese and huge loss of life and destruction of monasteries , he has not given up on finding a peaceful resolution. He has said that the Chinese are his greatest friends because they have given him the gift of patience.
Definition
“1. The state or quality of being patient; the power of suffering with fortitude; uncomplaining endurance of evils or wrongs, as toil, pain, poverty, insult, oppression, calamity, etc.
2. The act or power of calmly or contentedly waiting for something due or hoped for; forbearance.
3. Constancy in labor or application; perseverance.” Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary
Other definitions
Allowing time for events to unfold.
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again”.
What it’s not
A supine taking of whatever the world dishes out to us; being a doormat; not speaking one’s mind / truth.
How does Patience lead to happiness?
“The benefits of patience are extraordinary. On a personal level, it helps us to feel safe, valued and supported. We can share our thoughts and enjoy eachother’s company without fear of being abused or attacked. It lays an essential foundation for the happiness of individuals and society”. The 16 Guidelines for Life.
The Challenge
The 16G study programme asks us to focus on someone who really irritates us and to focus on what exactly it is that bugs us so much about that person. We are asked to consider whether there is a quality in that person that we might not want to accept in ourselves, and we are asked to use this insight to bring “some space” into the situation.
Personal thoughts
Road rage, finding someone’s mannerisms unbearable, wanting someone else to see the light and do it my way! These are all challenges to my patience that I have experienced recently.
But rather than meditate on someone who irritates me, as the book suggests, I wanted to try this practice on a SITUATION with which I struggle to have patience: I want a particular aspect of my life to change. Whatever I do, it is not changing. I rant and rave and stamp my feet. I get angry. Depressed. IMPATIENT. Feel like throwing in the towel. Wonder why it’s always jam for everyone else and not for me.
When I do the meditation, I bring my situation to mind, and my thoughts and feelings about the change I want to see as well as the angry, foot-stamping child / adolescent within.
I realise that the anger, whilst assuredly a part of me, and which I need to acknowledge, in this case is unproductive. Living in a state of anger just breeds more discontent. Rather than boosting me into affirmative action, it can close me off to the calmness required for change.
I see that by being compassionate to the part of myself that so wants this change in my life, I can relax, detach somewhat from the desire for change, and trust that change will come in time and that – in fact – change is already happening as I loosen my grip on a particular outcome and focus on being happy and kind to myself right now.
Patience is being present in my situation right now. Not seeking to change it. Accepting the good and the bad of it as it is right now. And things are not at all bad, right now…. And I feel …. happier.
“Do you have the patience to wait till your mind settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?” Lao Tzu, China.
Acknowledgements
With thanks to Essential Education and 16guidelines.org
Categories: lifestyle
