This guided meditation is designed to assist parents in their own parenting skills. It may bring up strong memories from the past, so you might want to prepare a loved one for the fact that you could need some space to be alone or to talk afterwards.
The meditation can be particularly helpful if you are feeling stuck with your parenting, acting in ways that you aren’t proud of or playing out old patterns that you would like to change.
Either ask a friend or partner to read the meditation aloud to you, record yourself reading it or read it first and then follow the guidance in your own time and way. If you are reading it to someone, take it slowly to give them time to process the information and draw upon memories and inner wisdom. Pause wherever you see dots and wait longer at the end of each paragraph. You may like to turn off any phones and play some relaxing music as well.
Sit or lie in a warm, comfortable position… Take a few deep breaths… Become aware of your body, consciously relaxing any areas of tension. Work your way up from your toes… throughout you body… to your scalp, relaxing your muscles as you pay attention to all areas.
Take a deep breath in and, as you exhale, blow out any cares or worries you may have… Let go of them… just for now… you can return to them later, if you wish.
Now, in your mind’s eye, take yourself to a time or place in your childhood where you felt particularly strong, safe or content… Can you see where you were?… Was it a bedroom, a private corner, a garden, a friend’s house?… If you have trouble recalling a reassuring memory, imagine a place in which you know the younger you would have felt safe and comfortable.
When you are settled in this imagined or remembered time and place, look up and see walking towards you an image of your ideal parent… Is it a mother or a father figure? Perhaps it is both… What do they look like? Do they resemble either of your actual parents?… Is this parent speaking to you? If so, listen to what they have to say… Perhaps you feel more comfortable just being aware of their body language or sharing a hug.
Your ideal parent may provide you with the comfort you don’t feel you received in reality. Or perhaps they have the shortcomings of your actual parents and are ideal for you, nevertheless… Maybe they are a combination of people you admire and trust, or perhaps they are drawn completely from fantasy… Spend some time with this parent… Allow yourself to feel nurtured, loved, and appreciated.
This parent has always been with you, as part of your dreams and daily experiences. Everything you have experienced, this parent has witnessed and felt too. Ask your ideal parent to show or remind you of any experiences in your childhood that are affecting your own parenting skills, or the way you interact with others, now… Is there one particularly strong memory or a general atmosphere that you recall from your youth?… How did influential elders interact with you?… You may perceive this experience to be affecting you positively or negatively but all experience is just that: experience. It needn’t be judged, just observed… You can use this meditation to consolidate what you do well or to become more aware of, and therefore prepared to adjust, what is not so constructive in your current parenting.
Your memories may or may not be accurate, but you can use them to help yourself make any changes for the better… There is no need for blame or anger, although if these feelings arise it is fine to feel them and release them… This is an exercise of awareness. Just be aware of what your inner eyes and ears see and hear, and what the younger you feels.
The perfect parent you have created or remembered, is your guiding nurturer within. Allow him or her to parent you now, no matter how old you are… When you allow yourself to nurture yourself, you will be better equipped to nurture your own children.
What would you have most liked that you never received from your parents?
Are you sharing these traits with your children now?… Are you overcompensating for this with your children now?… Are you continuing the cycle by repeating what you experienced?…
This is not an excuse for a guilt trip. Just use this time to become more conscious of your behaviour and motives as a parent and to consider how you would most like to parent your children. What did you most enjoy receiving from your parents or influential elders when you were young?
Are you gifting your children with this experience also? Have you remembered to share this joy with them? Is it what they like or need to receive from you?… Take some time to meditate on what you would most like to give to your child and what they would most like to receive from or share with you… Would it be more time together, more laughter, less shouting, open ears, wise words, less words…?
Most relationships have at least one area of conflict. Bring one to mind that you would like to work on and rise above… Ask your ideal parent and even the younger you or an image of your children for some assistance… Perhaps you have forgotten part of what it feels like to be a child or are re-enacting scenes from your own childhood… Perhaps you have rejected your own parents’ style of parenting when some of what they did would be appropriate now… Allow your ideal parent to change as your awareness changes… Let them nurture and re-charge you so that you can interact with your current family afresh and more consciously.
You can be with your ideal parent whenever you feel the need for love, guidance or strength. He or she is always there for you… You may also like to call to mind what you believe your children’s perfect parent would be. What do you think they want or need from you? Is it what you’ve been giving them? Is it what you are capable of giving?… Perhaps you can find a happy balance or introduce people into their life who can share with them the attributes that don’t come naturally to you. You don’t have to be the perfect parent all by yourself! Remember that the true perfect parent offers challenges to be navigated as well as comfort to be enjoyed.
When you feel you have explored these ideas enough, bring your attention back to your body… Notice the air around you and the light on your eyelids… Wiggle your toes… stretch… yawn or take a deep breath… Connect with the physical space around you… cover your eyes with the palms of your hands and open your eyes… Welcome back! May you be strong, loving and loved.
Categories: children
