And we’re very much in favour of recipes that convert the dubious into fans, so we’re delighted to publish this one.
 

Ingredients:

Broad Beans (best skinned later on in the season)
Fromage Frais (not the skinny version)
Clove of Garlic (optional)
Lots of ground black pepper
 
Method:

Boil the beans.
Turn off the heat.
Drain, but leave the beans in the pan.
Add enough fromage frais to coat, then add pepper and garlic.
Coat the beans in the warm fromage frais on residual heat in the saucepan. Voila! Serve immediately and enjoy…
 
Time From Cupboard-To-Table:

20 minutes

Easy!

“I looked in my fridge and had a lot of the above and didn’t know what to do with it all. I’m sorry I don’t measure the ingredients I just bung it all together and its what I have to hand, however the result is a very tasty mess! I used to hate broad beans, having been forced to eat them as a child, but i find if they are skinned they are actually quote tasty. Its nice to eat a meal were all the ingredients were grown on my allotment.”

You put us to shame, Karen – this is a wonderful creation and all the more exciting given that you grew all the ingredients!
 
 
Ingredients:

New potates – allow 3-4 per person
Equal quantity of boiled beetroot (I pressure cook mine)
Broad beans (skinned) – approx 1-2 handful(s) per person (depending how much you like them!)
Mayonnaise – 1 tablespoon(ish) per person
 
Method:

1. Boil beetroot and once cooked, dice into 1/2 inch squares
2. Boil new potatoes 10-15 mins depending on size
3. Add podded broad beans 5 mins before end of cooking time
4. Dice potates into 1/2 inch squares
5. Mix the beetroot, potatoes and broad beans with mayonnaise
6. It looks a mess but tastes delicious!!
 
Time From Cupboard-To-Table:

20 minutes

“I had a veg box with pounds of broad beans, and a friend brought me a huge bag from her allotment. I’d never tried them before, so I experimented with what I had handy, and this side dish has become a favourite with my 14 year old son.”

Well we don’t blame your son, Jane, and we’re impressed with your creativity in the kitchen!
 
 
Ingredients:

Broad beans
Dried chilli flakes [or finely diced fresh chilli - ed.]
Spring onions (or a small red onion works very well)
Olive oil
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
 
Method:

1. Pod the beans and boil for three minutes ( a little longer at the end of the season)
2. Drain and run the beans under cold water to cool them, then shell them by making a nick at the top with a nail and peeling the skin off.
3. Heat 1 tbsp olive oil with a good pinch of dried chilli flakes, a pich of salt and a little pepper.
4. When the oil is hot, turn the heat down, throw in the beans and stir fry for about three minutes.
5. Serve.
 
Time From Cupboard-To-Table:

10 minutes
 
Notes & Variations:

Jane adds

“Adjust the chilli to suit your taste – my son likes it hotter than I do.

If you’re trying to lose weight, use spray oil instead of olive oil, add 1 tbsp water, put the lid on tight and shake the pan every so often.

I’m told it goes well with sausages!”

And as it’s just about time to be planning your vegetable patches for next year, do bear beetroot in mind. They look great growing in borders or deep enough troughs on window-ledges because the leaves are so beautiful.

In Season?

In season (roughly) from May to October and then available wher they have been stored.

Buy?Firm, unblemished roots, unwashed keep longer. Don’t buy the wrinkly ones!

Store?In a cool place, for a week or two. Under proper conditions, will keep longer. If you’re using the leaves, these will keep in the fridge for a day or two.

Freeze?If cooked, yes.

Cook?Twist off the leaves (wear gloves!), leaving the leaf base intact. Trim the root. Scrub. Roast for an hour or boil / pressure cook for up to 20 minutes.

Little Known Facts from the beetroot fan club – www.lovebeetroot.co.uk:

- Beetroot contains high amounts of boron, which may explain its reputation as an ancient aphrodisiac
- Beetroot also contains betaine, a substance that relaxes the mind and is used to treat depression… so if you needed any more excuse to tuck in…
- The colouring from beetroot is used to colour things like strawberry jam and tomato puree
- Massaging your scalp each night with the cooled water from boiling beetroots is reputed to cure dandruff

Beetroot Recipes:

Beetroot and Cheese PieBeetroot and Celeriac Gratin

Beetroot Jelly

Ripple Farm Winter Veg Cottage Pie with Grated Beetroot

Pink Mash

Beetroot Hummus

If anyone knows the provenance of this recipe, do let us know. And if anyone makes it and wants to send us a picture and some comments or variations, we’d love to hear from you.

Ingredients:

PASTRY:

100g/4 oz plain flour
100 g/4 oz wholemeal flour
¼ teaspoon salt
50g/2 oz butter, diced
50g/2 oz solid vegetable oil, diced
4-6 teaspoons iced water

FILLING

175g/6 oz Lancashire cheese, grated
175g/6 oz cooked beetroot, skinned and coarsely grated
1 small onion, finely grated
1 teaspoon French mustard
2 tablespoons thick bottled mayonnaise
1 tablespoon sweet pickle
Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Method:

Make the pastry: 

1. Sift both flours into a bowl with the salt. Add the butter and solid oil and rub into the flours with your fingertips until the mixture resembles fine crumbs.
2. Add the water gradually and mix well to make a fairly firm dough that is not too dry and crumbly. Wrap in cling film and refrigerate for 30 minutes.
3. Heat the oven to 200C/400F/Gas 6.

For the filling

1. In a bowl mix together the cheese, beetroot, onion, French mustard, mayonnaise, pickle and salt and pepper to taste.

Make the pie

1. Roll out half the pastry on a lightly floured surface and use to line a shallow 18 cm/7 inch square tin. Roll out the remaining pastry into a square slightly larger than the top of the tin and set aside.
2. Spread the filling over the pastry in the tin. Dampen the edges of the pastry with water, then lay the reserved pastry square over the top 3. Press it on to the side of the pastry lining above the level of the filling, then trim level with the top of the tin
4. Brush with cold water, sprinkle lightly with salt, then make a hole in the top for the steam to escape. Bake just above the centre of the oven for 30-35 minutes, or until crisp.
5. Serve hot, warm or cold, cut into slices or squares.
 
Time From Cupboard-To-Table:

1 hour 30 minutes
 
Notes & Variations:

 
Of course, you can just as easily use this recipe as a foundation for all sorts of vegetable pies … You could use cabbage in the mix, or cooked root vegetables, or spinach … Whatever’s in season!

“Beetroot Jelly was created as a posh picnic accompaniment when a group of us used to go every summer to the outdoor theatre at Hever Castle. One of us would take a whole cooked salmon whilst the other eleven had to produce an unusual side dish!”

We’re really excited to add this recipe to our listings, Carole, so thanks so much for sending it in. If any of you lovely cooks out there have a go at this, do send us a photo and your comments.
 
 
Ingredients:

3 medium beetroots
raspberry jelly
¼ pt vinegar
¼ water
 
Method:

- Briefly cook the beetroot (by boiling them for 15 – 20 minutes after carefully twisting off their leaves) or use them raw if they are small
- Dice them
- Make up raspberry jelly with 1/4pt hot water
- Once the jelly cubes have dissolved, add another 1/4pt vinegar
- Add the diced beetroot and pour into a mould to set
- Serve with hot or cold meats or fish or with salad, cheese and crackers
 
Time From Cupboard-To-Table:

30 minutes preparation time, plus setting time for the jelly
 
Notes & Variations:

You could use blackcurrant or redcurrant jelly too. And you can also make a cucumber jelly in the same way using raw cucumber, white vinegar and a lime jelly.

In Season in September

September coming in

Apples (“Late” varieties)
Cavalo Nero
Celery
Damsons
Endive
Parsnips
Swede

September going strong

Aubergine
Beetroot
Blackberries
Broccoli (calabrese and tenderstem)
Cabbages (red, white, green, Savoy, pointed)
Carrots
Cauliflower
Courgette
Cucumber
Fennel
French beans
Garlic
Globe Artichoke
Kale
Kohl rabi
Lambs Lettuce
Leek
Lettuce
Onions
Pak Choi
Pear (early and mid varieties)
Peas and Mange Tout
Pepper
Potato
Pumpkins / squashes
Radish
Raspberries
Rhubarb
Rocket
Runner beans
Salsify
Sorrel
Spinach
Sweetcorn
Swiss Chard
Tomato
Turnips
Watercress

September last of

Apples (“Early” varieties)
Blackcurrant
Blueberries
Broad Beans
Greengages
Plums
Strawberries

Gone

Cherries
Samphire

What are you most looking forward to about September?

SHAMPOO / CONDITIONER

First it is good idea to choose a shampoo that is not too aggressive on your hair.  There are a number of shampoos that contain more natural ingredients that are less intense on the hair.  Also, try not to have the shower on too hot.    

Second, only use a small amount of shampoo and only put it on the scalp.  Work the shampoo into the wet scalp, use this time to give yourself a head massage and make sure the shampoo is worked deep into the hair.  Do not rinse the shampoo off just yet.

Next, if you feel the need to add conditioner use only a small amount (a blob about the size of a penny) and add it to the ends only.  If you have long hair, use a little more (size of a 2pence piece) and rub it in to the bottom two/three inches.

If you have very long hair (past the waist) it may be helpful to “comb” in the conditioner using a wide tooth comb.  Take a blob of conditioner and add it to the bottom five inches of your hair and then comb it slowly with the comb.  Be gentle, this will help to de-tangle the hair and distribute the conditioner evenly. 

Finally, go back under the water and rinse both the shampoo and the conditioner out.  As the shampoo sluices down your hair it runs into the rest.

COLD RINSE 

Make sure you rinse your hair fully of all the products you have used.  Then before you finish turn the shower onto cold and give your hair a quick blast.  Rinsing with cold water helps to close up the pores that were opened and cleaned out when you used hot water.  The cold water can also seal in the protein from the shampoo and help to create healthy, shiny hair.    

HAIR DRYER

Like the cold rinse, hair dryers have a cold setting.  Start with a cold setting when you first use the hair dryer, then move to a warmer setting.  Just before you finish, give it another blast with the cold setting.  

BRUSHING

Wet hair is very elastic and will stretch if brushed which means it is more prone to breakage.  The rule is never brush wet hair.  As mentioned above, if necessary you can comb gently with a wide toothed comb.  For long hair, when your hair is dry you should brush slowly starting at the bottom, easing out knots and tangles, moving up in sections.  If you brush straight from the top when you catch tangles you are more likely to cause breakages.    

To help aid shine in your hair use a regular cushioned brush to brush out all the tangles.  When your hair is tangle free use a boar brush.  A boar brush is a product free and non-damaging way to achieve shiny hair.  They have a high density of bristles that are used to catch sebum the oil substance produced by the scalp.

It is this substance that gives hair a greasy unwashed look.  Sebum is a natural hair conditioner and if evenly distributed with the use of a boar brush, you will find no need to add product conditioner.

While a brush for de-tangling and a boar brush for distributing oils are good for the hair, overbrushing can cause split-ends and damage.  Only brush your hair until all knots are gone and it is smooth.

MASSAGE

Giving yourself a head massage will help to stimulate blood flow.  This not only helps to relieve tension in the scalp that can lead to headaches but stimulated blood flow will help to make the hair look healthier.

HEAT & COLOUR

Do not other do it on the heat, whether it’s hair dryers, curling irons or straighteners.  Allow hair to dry naturally when you can.  If you use a boar brush you will find the need for straighteners not as necessary.  Heat damages hair and dries it out.  The same applies to colouring your hair, over-colouring can put stress on the hair. 

NOTE:

There are now vegan alternatives to a boar brush that have synthetic bristles that have a similar affect as the boar bristles.

This year’s theme is ‘Cooking for Victory’ in response to WRAPS “household Food and Drink Waste in the UK” report. The report shows we throw away 8.3 million tonnes of food and drink every year. Most of this is avoidable and could have been eaten if we had planned, stored and managed it better. This amount of food waste costs the average family in Britain £50 per month. And in these economic times, that’s £50 per month few of us can spare. What could you do with that £600 you’d save in a year? And if that’s only the average, then some of us are wasting a whole lot more than that…

We have made our own pledge, to publish this “handy guide to eating left-overs”, which we really hope you’ll:

1) find useful,

and, more importantly,

2) add your own ideas to, using the Comments field down there.

Alternatively, rather than adding your ideas here, why not add them to Mrs G’s website and put yourself in the running to win one of the two great prizes that she has up for grabs: a £50 LUSH voucher and £50 Natural Collection voucher!

Handy Guide to Eating Left-overs

In our experience, if you have a list in your head of meal-TYPES that you can “scroll through” when you look at your left overs, it’s much easier to use them up.

So here are five basic recipes for you to use as starting points for Zero Waste Meals. We have tried to work out whether there are any veggies that you COULDN’T use in each of the following types of dishes, but we reckon you can use these for ANYTHING. Not that we’ve ever TRIED putting leeks in a curry, but their onion-y, so if you used them at the beginning, with the spices, they’d definitely work. And OK, Mange tout on their own wouldn’t make a great soup, but chop them and add in some julienned carrot / broccoli / mushrooms and a decent light stock and you’ve got a great consomme. Add a miso sachet and you’ve got a Japanese classic…

Basic Risotto Recipe

Saute onion in some olive oil. Tip in 50-60g arborio rice per person and stir to coat. Assuming you’re serving 4, gradually add up to 1 litre of stock, letting the rice absorb what you’ve added before adding more. Once the rice is just about done, add in your left over veggies and grated cheese or vegan cheese powder, and you’re ready to eat. For extra flavour, you’ll need salt and freshly ground black pepper, and you can use wine for some of the cooking fluid.

Basic Pasta Recipe 

As long as you’ve got tins of tomatoes, or home made tomato sauce (link) you can make a pasta sauce. Start cooking the pasta. Saute onion and garlic at the same time. Add in the tomato sauce. Choose between reheating the veggies by popping them into the pasta water towards the end, or by stirring them into the hot tomato sauce. Season with salt and pepper and your favourite pasta herbs. Stir in grated cheese or vegan cheese powder, and serve with the drained pasta. If you want the sauce less chunky, you could use a hand blender to puree it. You could also give the sauce a kick by adding chilli powder or tabasco.

Basic Pie Recipe 

Thaw your pastry then cut it in half. Roll out one half to be big enough to line the bottom of an 8 inch pie dish. Put it in the dish and leave the excess hanging over the rim.

Make the filling by sauteing onions and garlic. Stir in your left over cooked veggies and saute until hot. Then either tip in a can of mushroom soup, or left over gravy, or add a tablespoon of cornflour and stir the veggies until they’re coated. Now mix a pint of water with a teaspoon of yeast extract and a stock cube, and add to the veggies one third at a time to create a sauce. Season with salt and pepper, consider adding cheese, cheese substitute, or mustard for a kick. Spoon this mix into the dish.

Now beat an egg in a cup and brush some of it onto the pastry hanging over the edges of the tin. Then roll out the second half of the pastry, use it to create a lid, and press the pastry together around the dish using the beaten egg as glue. Trim excess with a knife, brush the top with more egg, cut a slice in the top to let steam escape, then bake for just over half an hour.

Basic Curry Recipe 

Saute onion, garlic, and then the basic curry spices – cumin, coriander, chilli, garam masala – and heat until it’s very hot and the spices are fragrant. Add cubed potato and a tin of tomatoes (or home made tomato sauce) then cover and simmer for around 15 minutes until the potatoes are nearly cooked. Now stir in your left overs. Test for taste and add more salt, pepper, chilli etc to your liking. Stir in fresh coriander if you have, and serve with basmati rice. Yogurt or creme fraiche tops a curry off well. You can convert this to a more Thai style curry by just using ginger and chilli in the early frying stage, and using a tin of coconut milk instead of a tin of tomatoes.

Basic Lentil Bake Recipe 

Saute onions and garlic then add in 200g split red lentils and stir until coated. Add quarter of a litre of water and allow it to simmer off before adding another quarter. Now mix a stock cube into the rest of the water and finish adding it in quarters. Season with salt and pepper and any other spices you like, including chilli if you like a kick. Then stir in your left over veggies or apples going spare and 75g of grated cheese. You can add the veggies in chunks, or grated. Transfer the mix to a loaf tin or other oven proof dish, place in an oven pre-heated to 200*C, top with another 25g cheese and any nuts or seeds you’d like to use, and bake for half an hour.

Basic Bubble and Squeak Recipe 

Quite simply, roughly mash together all your left over veggies with some cooked potatoes, butter, salt and pepper. Then heat 25g or so of butter in a shallow, non-stick frying pan and tip in the mash, pressing it down into a ‘cake’ with the back of your wooden spoon. Cook until it’s crisp and browning underneath then turn it. If it’s not holding together, you can slip it from the pan onto a plate, put another plate over the top, flip it over and slide it back into the pan. Cook the other side until crisp and brown. You may want to flip a couple of times, or just once. It depends on how browned you like it. Personally, we just love the charred bits. Try adding in a few dollops of your favourite pickle or chutney, or spices of your choice, or left over meat if you’re a meat eater. Just make sure you heat very thoroughly.

Basic Stir Fry Recipe 

The trick is to prepare all the ingredients before you start cooking and to start the rice or noodles cooking well enough in advance. Make sure all your left over veggies are chopped up to similar sizes. Mix a sauce, using soy sauce and honey, or soy sauce with peanut butter and sweet chilli sauce (using extra water if the peanut butter is thick), or a sachet of black bean sauce. Then heat oil (seasame, preferably) in a wok or big frying pan and flash fry the veggies until spitting. Add in the sauce and continue cooking for another few moments.

Basic Soup Recipe 

Make a litre of vegetable stock, saute onions and garlic, stir in your left over veggies, tip in the stock, cover and simmer for around 15 minutes, taste and add herbs, spices and seasonings of your choice. Once you’re happy with the taste, serve as it is with roughly cut doorsteps of bread, or add cream or yogurt and puree using a handblender.

Basic Fruit Compote 

Pre-heat the oven to 180 C. Mix together juice from one orange, its grated zest, 100g sugar (you can vary this according to how sweet the fruit already is), cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg or vanilla essence or bourbon. Chop up your left over / over ripe fruit and mix it into the juice. Place the mix in an ovenproof dish, cover with foil or a lid and bake for 20 minutes. Check for sweetness, and add more sugar or honey to taste. You can use compote as an interesting side with a cheese board, or with ice cream or yogurt as dessert. You could top it with crumble mix, or crumbled digestives or ginger biscuits before you bake it for a traditional crumble, you can use it as cheesecake topping or serve it with cereal at breakfast time. You can even use it as cheating jam and spread it on sandwiches or toast or oatcakes.

(To make a crumble topping, chop 100g cold butter into small cubes and add to 200g plain flour. Using your finger tips, rub the butter and flour until they resemble bread crumbs then mix in 100g sugar.)

Basic Bread Pudding 

Soak stale / left over bread in water until it’s soggy then squeeze it out, mash it until it’s smooth then stir in dried fruit, or over-ripe bananas, or left over stewed fruit, along with some honey, and cinnamon / nutmeg / vanilla to taste, put in an egg (optional) and then whizz it in a blender. Add more liquid – either water, milk, beer, cider or wine until it’s dropping consistency, stir in crushed nuts if you like, then pour the mix it into a greased baking tin and bake for an hour or so until it’s firm. Serve as it is, or sprinkled with a little sugar, or with custard, cream, ice cream, creme fraiche or yogurt. Or eat cold for breakfast!

Store-cupboard essentials 

If you always have the following things in your storecupboard, then you’ll always be able to make variations on these left-overs meals:

• Rices including Arborio and Basmatic
• Your favourite pasta
• Split red lentils
• Frozen puff pastry or frozen pie crusts
• Your favourite curry spices – garam masala, coriander, chilli (mild or hot), cumin
• Dried oregano / basil or even better, fresh ones growing on your sill
• Olive oil
• Soy sauce or a vegan alternative / miso sachets
• Vegetarian stock cubes or powder
• Vegan cheese-sauce powder
• Tins of chopped tomatoes
• Tins of chickpeas
• Cinnamon / nutmeg / vanilla essence or bourbon
• Honey
• Sultanas / raisins

And just to finish this piece off, don’t forget that quinoa, couscous and bulgar wheat make great bases for hot or cold dishes with cooked left over veggies stirred into them.

Let us, or Mrs Green, know what we’ve missed from the list of perfect left-overs recipes…

Being the parent of an only child, I am acutely aware that as each phase in my daughter’s life passes it has gone for good. I’m not alone in this. I have heard of mothers of a whole brood of siblings mourning the passing of childhood when it comes to their youngest growing up.

Admittedly, saying goodbye to nappies wasn’t distressing and at two years old her teeth were a powerful enough reason to stop breastfeeding but I found my daughter’s first night in her own bed far harder than she did and by her tenth year I lamented the (temporary, as it turned out) ban from reading bedtime stories (‘I’m not a baby anymore.’). Now she’s a teen, she is continuing to wean herself from me infinitely more easily than I do from her. If asked for a kiss in public the look of abject horror says it all!

Nurturing Independence

So what am I to do? The first thing is to be honest about how much of my need for my daughter’s affection and company is exactly that ¾ my need! She is not responsible for my emotions. I love sharing time with her, chatting, playing and cuddling but it is also necessary to take a step back and face the fact that I am merely her mum. Hard as it is to acknowledge, it is true that while they’re growing up you can’t be your child’s best pal. An acquaintance told me, ‘When Sharon was a teenager I tried to be her best friend but it didn’t work. We just became more at loggerheads with each other.’ In my case, it took until I was twenty-one until I was ready to re-embrace my mum as someone I wanted to be friends with.

Part of developing emotionally is about gaining independence. Developing autonomy often involves rejecting what you have previously been tied to and, with children, this tends to be their parents. So, I cheer myself by remembering that if my daughter no longer enjoys my company in the way she used to or is embarrassed by the way I speak, dress, look and behave then I can rest assured that she has grown to be confident enough to separate from me as nature intended.

If I can be calm in the face of withering looks and offer her, in appropriate stages, the freedom she craves, hopefully she will find her own full character without being forced to retreat from me further than necessary. It is time for me to accept this process as a positive step on her path to wholeness.

When my daughter declared that I was to stop reading to her at bedtime I suggested that instead we could share an evening reading session. She could snuggle up in bed with a good book while I curled up at the other end immersed in my own reading. This was acceptable to her and I was relieved that the transition from bedtime stories to independent night times was being eased for me. Now that I’m used to this, I realise how good it feels to see my daughter engrossed in a book without needing assistance.

A Mother Is For Life… 

One of the difficulties in weaning from our children is the fear of becoming redundant. If we can turn this perception around, it may help us to celebrate our child’s developing self instead of grieving the past. Isn’t it, after all, a great feeling to know that they are no longer so dependent on us alone? At least if something goes wrong it may not be totally our fault!

The workload may lighten, but more often it just shifts. We may not be required to wipe bottoms but there is plenty of verbal diarrhoea to deal with when hormones kick in and merge with our own psychotic moments! Wrapping our children up on a warm lap may no longer be either appropriate or possible but our attitude towards them needs to stay as warm as ever, even when their entrance into the room feels like an advancing Siberian weather front. Sure, we’re going to explode when ignored yet again but it needs to be made clear that it’s our boundaries that have been transgressed not our love for our offspring. Their changing needs and reactions can be as confusing to them as us, so it’s vital not to judge them or make them feel bad for their feelings. (Although you may want to put your foot down when they storm off telling you to ‘get outta my face. Loser.’…) And when they do decide a hug is in order, don’t question or tease. Just do it!

When we can accept that it’s time to wean ourselves from our children it becomes easier to allow them their attitudes and their space rather than taking it personally. Just as when we discipline our children we are rejecting their behaviour not their personalities, so we need to realise that our teenagers are not rejecting us but the limitations in life that we represent. They are realising that we aren’t omniscient ¾ there is far more to discover and potentially align with out there. They may also be subconsciously reacting against their fear of letting go of us – on the one hand they want independence, on the other they fear it so what better way to stay passionately involved with us (when cuddling and declaring love is clearly uncool) than to pick ridiculous arguments.

If we were to spend all our time with dominant people we would find it harder to be our true self. To children, who have lived under our beliefs, rules and lifestyle, we are the dominant ones. It may not feel like it as our influence holds less and less sway but they need to break free to discover what works for them personally. Our role at this stage is to facilitate the next phase of their development.

Spiritual and Emotional Freedom

While growing children crave physical independence, they also need to be permitted spiritual and emotional freedom. Only when granted ‘psychic’ space from our spiritual and social beliefs can they truly consider what works for them.

Most pre-teens/teenagers need to step away from old influences to try on new personas and perspectives. When they know they are free to sample different outlooks and have become more secure in their own individuality, our strength of self will hopefully no longer intimidate, anger or embarrass quite so acutely.

However, if we insist on our take on life being the one true way, we run the risk of forcing our children to choose an opposing set of values just to test the validity of what we have insisted. If children aren’t given the space to formulate their own opinions how will they know how to do so and trust the results when they are adults? Occasionally, even when you believe them to be ‘wrong’, it may be best to turn a blind eye and nurture self-confidence over accuracy.

So here’s the bad news: it’s time for all us control freaks out there to take a deep breath and let go! Does this seem like giving up and setting them free to the wilds when we could be protecting them? One of the wisest parenting lessons I’ve heard stated, ‘Do not worry that your children don’t listen to you. Worry that they are watching you.’ Impart what you want to through example. Children may not listen but they are always observing! Be strong and proud in yourself - few people retain respect for someone who doesn’t respect themselves, and kids are especially adept at sniffing out weakness ¾ but remain flexible and allow your children to teach you the power of change and release.

Great peace can exist when we recognise life as an endless flow with every ending bringing a new beginning. Why should parenting be any different? It may take a while to adjust to the new demands and to let go of outmoded skills but soon you’ll be fully immersed in a new direction, finding fresh treasures that you hadn’t anticipated. Those public displays of affection, when they sporadically occur, will feel all the more special, for a start!

As parents, we are never unnecessary; our role simply changes. Tickling a toddler is great, but is it any more enjoyable than intelligent banter with an older child? Each phase can be both welcomed with glee and let go of with relief ¾ our child is ready to graduate to the next level!

Easing the Transition

Ok, so I’ve realised that my daughter’s diminishing desire to spend time with me or to go along with my beliefs and perspectives is a good thing but what now?

I’ve found adjusting old rituals, or creating replacement new ones, to be beneficial. Mostly these occur spontaneously but it can take a conscious effort to maintain regularity. A couple of nights a week my daughter and I share the settee and watch t.v. together. It’s easy to disregard such an activity as meaningless but our love as parents needs to be unconditional, independent of whether we deem an activity worthy. If that’s what they enjoy doing with us, then grab the moment and dig the foundations of a developing relationship. If you spend your evenings sitting in front of the television anyway, you may want to choose something else so that your child knows it is the time together that is important (not just an excuse to watch your favourite soap) and that what they enjoy is valued.

It is also important to create some rituals that do not involve offspring. Their lives are filling with new friends and experiences. What about yours? Maybe you’re too busy to feel the hit of ‘empty nest syndrome’ but if not do something about it! As long as you don’t become too preoccupied to notice when your children do want you (and they always want to know that you are there for them), then consider resuming those interests you may have put on hold. Again, we must lead by example and show our children that our happiness is something that we alone are in control of.

You may also consider organising photo albums of when your children were young or writing down your fond and funny memories of them, immortalising your children’s early years and using memories positively. What a gift for your children, some day in the future, to be presented with a reminder of their early years and your consistent love. If your children are still young, then start collecting their drawings and jotting down the things they say now before you forget! If they’re already full of teen colloquialisms and frustrations then collect these, too (one day they may seem funny…) as well as all the things you’d like to share but don’t feel able to in person.

As children grow, they still need our input ¾ they just don’t want it to show so much. So, it’s time to conceal the quality time amongst the telly programmes, hide our conversations amidst chores and mealtimes, and disguise our curiosity with a laid back tone, whilst remaining sure that secreted throughout daily life is our genuine interest in our children. On some level, they’ll appreciate it.

Finally, a few tips from my own experience: keep well away when their friends are around, you’ll only embarrass everyone concerned; always knock before entering a room (even if it’s your own. They may not like you in their space, but yours is very appealing…); refrain from using nicknames in public; and enjoy the laughter and cuddles when they occur, because you need to make the most of your rations!

Weaning yourself from your child so that you can embrace them as a teen may be necessary, but no one said it would be easy!